Study materials
Both sentences are said at the same moment. The second sounds much softer, although grammatically it is about the past.
I want to ask about the deadline.
Direct.
I was wondering about the deadline.
The same request, with distance.
Here the form does not report time. It controls the pressure on the listener. This article explains the past form as distance, the continuous as softening, would for a softer opinion, and how to combine devices of politeness.
The past form as distance
A step back in time in English often means a step back from the listener. The past form then says nothing about the past. It makes a request or a question softer, because it leaves the person room to say no.
I wanted to ask you something.
Softer than I want, though I still want it.
Did you want a bag?
A shop assistant asking about now.
I just wanted to say thank you.
Just softens it a little more.
The past and the continuous together give two steps of distance. This is the most tactful option.
I was wondering if you could help me.
Two steps of distance.
I was hoping we could talk.
Equally soft.
This form fits when you are asking for something. When you need to insist, for example to chase a debt, it can sound hesitant. A direct form is better then.
The continuous as softening
The continuous presents a thought or wish as temporary and not yet final. So I'm hoping is softer than I hope, and I'm wondering is softer than I wonder.
I'm hoping you can join us.
Less pressure than I hope.
The future continuous, like other continuous forms, first of all shows an action in progress at a given moment: This time tomorrow I'll be flying to Lviv. It also helps you ask softly. Will you be paying by card? asks about your plan and demands nothing. Will you pay by card? can sound like a request to decide right now.
Will you be staying for dinner?
A question about plans, without pressure.
I'll be seeing Oksana tomorrow anyway.
The meeting will happen anyway. I am not arranging anything specially.
Would for a softer opinion
Would makes your own opinion softer without hiding the author. It is used to state a position politely.
I would argue that the current approach is inadequate.
The author owns the view but sounds softer.
It would seem that the effect is temporary.
A careful conclusion.
We would suggest a smaller trial first.
Gentle advice.
If it is your position, We argue or I would argue is better than the impersonal It is felt that, because you should own your view.
Politeness through form
In conversation the form of a sentence controls the pressure on the listener.
| Means | Example |
|---|---|
| a question instead of a command | Could you send it? |
| a step into the past | I was wondering if you could send it. |
| a condition | if that works for you |
| a softening word | just, maybe, a bit |
The means can be combined, but with too many the request gets lost: I was just wondering if maybe you might possibly have a moment. A command such as Send me the file sounds abrupt to a colleague.
Common mistakes
The first mistake is the word order after was wondering if.
I was wondering if could you help me. → I was wondering if you could help me.
After if the order is direct, as in an indirect question.
The second mistake is a past form after did.
Did you wanted a table by the window? → Did you want a table by the window?
Did already shows the past, so the verb is in its base form.
The third mistake is too many softeners.
I was just wondering if maybe you might possibly have a moment. → I was wondering if you had a moment.
With too many devices the request gets lost.
The first mistake shows right after if. The subject comes first, then the verb. The second shows in the verb after did. It takes no -ed, even when the question is polite. The third shows if you count the devices. Two, such as was wondering and just, are usually enough.